Sub Zero Insanity and Midwest Thighs

All over America large Midwest thighs will be cramming in to the jeans that fit perfectly two months ago.  Insane temperatures, plummeting as low as 10 degrees below zero,  are socking us.  Just the other day we were watching TV Christmas specials about Greenland glaciers melting and Polar Bears dying from global change and warming temperatures.

A CNN newscast Scientist gives out a Hallelujah that scientists have crossed genetic DNA with a prehistoric animal with a goat...not to worry if exotic animals are exterminated from weather change. Man Kind will gather their DNA and bring them back into existence. I wish they would cross my thin thighs of the past with my chubby thighs of now.

 This life killing cold, we are assured,  is no reflection that Global Warming has gone away.  It's trend is to spit out insane weather conditions, hot, cold, wet, dry and windy....not to mention sink holes so deep ancient warriors would have been proud to throw vestal virgins into. Of course none of this helps a Midwest woman with expanding thighs watching TV documentaries as she stays warm.  Because what we worry about is will we ever lose the weight again. And watching TV is a killer for Midwest thighs.

We  are running around like snow suited, double hatted, mittened little kids.  I cry, a slave to my compassion, for the animals and homeless people left outside to suffer.  Yet somewhere in America die hard fans have paid a fortune to watch foot ball in stadiums, their breath steaming like locomotives, as players run like Roman Gladiators fighting to the death for the entertainment of fans in  insane death-like conditions in Wisconsin. Home of big thighs.

My boots are squeaking in the hard snow as I approach a freezing old dog outside.  He has been outside for days without food. I leash him and bring him in the house for warmth.  My husband runs around doing the laundry. three dogs panting by the electric fireplace,  as I take psychic calls that are pouring in.  Its a good day for business as people have little to do in this weather except sit home, analyze their lives with big Midwest thighs.  Clients call, I tell them what I see, shuffle my well worn cards, laying out the good with the bad...kindly.  And I am very thankful for this business as I need money for the Bow Flex Tread Climber coming Monday to shrink my Midwest thighs.

 It has been told us that it will take 5 minutes for skin to die in these temperatures, and today I take full advantage of this and eat pop corn in a warm living room with the snoring dogs around me. 
There are many boots and shoes of all season by the door, and hoods, hats and gloves on the floor of the closet with one string of remaining white Christmas lights by the window.  In the mean while I look at a Spring Wholesale Planting magazine as if I can manifest warm weather to come tomorrow.

Amen.  http://thecallingoflight.com